Women's Conference Series: Uprooting Bitterness


Hi. I think I should share a little about me before we get personal. I’m Kansas, yes, like the state. I love Jesus, my little family, coffee and anything sweet. I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease in 2016 and I have seen the Lord take such hold in my life using this little thing called Hashimoto’s and see Him glorified in it all. 

Since dealing with my diagnosis, Jesus has walked me through a journey of health, discipline, humility and reliance on Him. Through it all, He has used people and confirmed that one day, He will heal me. I have no doubt He will and I stand firm in expectation for that day. He’s used this disease to take this introvert who didn’t see her worth in Papa’s eyes and transformed her into someone who shares boldly the good, bad and ugly of her life. 

Lately, I’ve allowed Satan to use my disease to make me small and let bitterness root in deep. The past month, I’ve allowed my disease to control me. I’ve allowed the mental and emotional symptoms of fatigue, depression, overwhelmingness, anxiety and mood swings impact my daily life. Instead of reaching for Jesus to work through my disease, I allowed the lies of Satan to dictate how I see myself: failure, inadequate, sick. The amount of mornings and nights spent crying in self pity outweighted the number not. My sharp tongue resurfaced and I could taste the bitterness oozing from my mouth. I could really go on and on but that isn’t the point. 

The point is BUT JESUS, my gracious loving Jesus. The One who has promised healing over my disease. He took me by the hand and forced me to watch. He painted a picture of my heart to show me how deep that bitterness was rooting itself in. He used sweet friends to call me out and speak the truth. He showed me what Satan would do if I kept letting him have hold and control my disease. He showed me that He wanted me to pray OUT LOUD against this bitterness and share. That the fruit of humility in sharing my struggles would be used for His glory, not mine. That He is the God of restoration and will restore all things. He reminded me of a scene in a movie where a man’s heart is portrayed as this garden. You see Holy Spirit as the Caregiver and is digging out the roots of bitterness he allowed to grow so deep. “Don’t let it get this deep” He kept saying over and over. Pray against it, stand up and be the fighter I made you to be. 

I urge you friends. Bitterness is tricky and evil. It is a bold face lie from Satan himself. Stand up and shout Papa’s truths over the lying whispers of Satan. I encourage you to pray through your struggle. Pray for truths you can shout in times of distress. For me, God gave me the lyrics from the song, “Catch the Wind.” Specifically, “I am strong and full of life/I am steadfast, no compromise.” Write them where you can see them, place them as reminders on your phone. Do what you need to do to continually seek Jesus’ heart for you and not let bitterness take root. 

Kansas Spousta